Got a toothbrush?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so let's talk penis.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
