Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
