You work out of a Hotel?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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