Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
