Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
