hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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