I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
