I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
