I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will pee on everything he values.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
