I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
