that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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