Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
