there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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