I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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