I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
