I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
