Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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