How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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