I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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