i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
