i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
