from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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