my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
