That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
