I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
