A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
