You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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