How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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