just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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