just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
