i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
