Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
