You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
