I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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