drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
