I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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