Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
