you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
