Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
