You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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