dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
