she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
