You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
