Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
