Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just threw up on my dentist
The best revenge is premature balding
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
