Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
