You work out of a Hotel?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
