so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
