connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
