careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
