What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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