Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
