Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
